Q & A being Gay and LDS

I recently took a survey done by Utah State University about my experiences as a gay individual raised in the LDS church. A few of the questions asked for short responses. These are some of the questions that I was asked and the answers I gave.

Q. What event, relationship, or interaction led you to consider you were attracted romantically or sexually to persons of the same sex?

A. When I was in fourth grade I many of my friends were starting to express curiosity about sex, and while many of my male friends would express a fascination with women I found that my mind would linger on images of men.

At the same time one of my friends had some department store catalogs at his house and we were looking at the women’s underwear ads. I got bored and found myself looking though the rest of my catalog to see if there was anything interesting. I soon found myself looking at the men’s underwear ads and was shocked to realize that I was aroused by them.

Q. Please describe what was taught about homosexuality in your LDS community while you were growing up or at the time you joined the Church.

A. I was baptized when I was 8 and don’t remember much being taught at the time about homosexuality, but when I had asked my parents once what would happen if a man fell in love with another man they told me that just never happens.

Later when I was in the young men’s program, we were taught that homosexuality was wrong, but not in terms of it being part of some one’s disposition, but rather as a sin that anyone could fall into.

Q. If applicable, please describe any negative reaction, teasing, ostracization, or violence you experienced because you were perceived by those in your LDS community as being homosexual?

A.  First many members of the LDS community were very much opposed to same-sex relationships and would be vocal about their opinions, and many of peers would comment on how they would beat up a queer if they ever met one.

While I was a missionary for the church at least some of the elders suspected that I was gay and brought there suppositions to the mission president who later questioned me about it.

Also I had one companion that would try and bait me into exposing my sexuality, and one time he thought he had me, and tried calling me out, but I passed it of as a strange joke.

At other times there would be elders that I would be particularly good friends with, and the other elders would accuse me of flirting with my friends (OK I probably was flirting) and would tease me for it a little.

Q. If applicable, please describe any anti-GLBTQ behavior (teasing, etc.) that you engaged in as a member of an LDS community?

A. When I was in high school I had a coworker who was openly gay, and I would avoid him because I wanted to make a statement about how uncomfortable I was a round gay people. Soon I was confronted by one of my supervisors about my behavior, and I expressed my disdain for gay people to him.

Also while in high school I had a friend in my math class that I had a crush on. I was too afraid at the time to admit to him that I liked him. One day this friend approached me and told me that he had fallen in love with me. We were at school and I was terrified. I shoved him into a wall and called him a dirty faggot. I was crushed but I couldn’t let myself be gay at that time. I tried to make up with him but it was too late.

During my high school years I got a few e-mails from male class mates asking me out. I turned them down coolly, and at least one time said that I thought that gay people should be rounded up.

While I was on my mission Lawrence v Texas went through the Supreme Court and homosexuality was decriminalized across the nation. This sparked a lot of debate about same-sex marriage while I was on my mission in Riverside California, and while most of my companions were opposed to homosexual behavior in general I felt like I came up with much harder anti-gay rhetoric while talking about same-sex marriage.

Thanks for reading.

The link to take the survey is: http://psychmeasures.org/index.php?sid=64625&lang=en